Sunday, March 29, 2015

Poly - a treatise of sorts

  • Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice, desire, or acceptance of intimate relationships that are not exclusive with respect to other sexual or intimate relationships, with knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Often abbreviated as poly, it has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy". (WIKI:

    So, there is it. Now you understand Poly - go on about your lives and love it up. 
    AS IF!!
    Anyone who has ever attempted Poly knows that it ain't easy. Its a beautiful idea - who doesn't want that sense of family, of sharing, of free and open love between multiple people - not feeling stifled and restricted by the bonds of monogamy. It seems like it could be the miracle cure for the disgustingly high rate of cheating and straying. I'm no angel in that regard - I've cheated in the past, and I've been the "other guy" and I've done things I'm not proud of. Since I found my feet in the D/s world, I've stabilized, and learned the wonderful, magical intimacy that can build between two people, or more, depending. Poly has been a part of my life for many years. Its never been successful, but then, neither has monogamy...Poly seems to be the lesser of two evils in that sense. 
    Joe Walsh said it best in his song FAMILY:
    Tried it before, never felt right
    I never dreamed that someday I might
    Be part of something bigger than me
    It makes me feel humble, finally I see
    All that we have is each other
    And that's all that I'll ever need

    The idea of that *family* that I tried to build in SL - with one of my oldest friends and a woman I fell in love with (while she was seeing him - and yes, I was invited, I didn't try to snake her out from under him, even if it sort of worked out to happen in that direction - it wasn't intended.). It SHOULD have been wonderful. It SHOULD have been perfect and amazing and just...brilliant. The reality sort of fell short. 

    In any relationship - whether its monogamy or poly, friendship or romantic or D/s or whatever - you have to have similar - or at least complementary - goals and ideologies. You have to communicate. You have to trust. You have to work to keep things solid and support one another, not to actively undermine one another. 
    In Poly this becomes much more difficult to achieve, as you have - in my cae - 3 people involved, all of whom need to communicate, and work together toward a shared goal. You have three people who have to communicate. Three people who have to learn to trust one another, Much easier said than done.
    In my case, what became apparent was that two of the three people have the same (or similar) goals and ideologies. Two people have similar needs and desires. Two people are compatible in many, many ways. The third..who started as the first...not so much.. Relationship isn't what that person wants, more like a ready built threesome whenever he wants one, and has no interest in anything beyond kinky fun. 
    These disparate interests have caused problems. They have caused frustration. They have caused anger and tears and hurt feelings. When these negative emotions happen, my willingness to suck it up goes out the window. 
    For those in the know - the concept of "compersion" doesn't really kick in here. Im not sure if its this specific situation or not, but I am begining to realize that maybe I'm not cut out for Poly. At least not this way, and not with someone that I feel so much for. Not with someone that I have suuch a strong connection with, and over whom I feel increasingly protectively possessive. 
    The more our onnection grow, the closer we become, the more of herself that Sarah offers to me, the more confident and stronger I feel in our relationship. The more I see her as MINE. 
    I added some words to my profile last night: 
    A submissive craves to be held and protected, to be safe and happy, and to be in the arms of a man who puts her above all else. Where some women want companionship with their partners, or a relationship standing on equal ground with their lovers, a submissive wants just a bit more.
    To feel deeply.
    To love deeply, and be loved in return.
    To know that she belonged - with every sense of the word - to one man, and that He belonged to her.
    I think that captures where my head is at right now, as far as Sarah's and My relationship goes. 
    When my eyes turn green because she is getting ready to carry through with a *date* with the 3rd in our connection - one she admittedly isn't comfortable going on - one in which I am nearly posiitive he's going to try to manipulate the situation to provoke something that he wants her to do for him. 
    The questions runing through my head echo my own insecurities, and that pisses me off too...
    Why is she still going through with it? 
    If she does, will she really not do what he wants, as she promised? Will she stick to the commitment she made when faced with him being less than pleased with her?
    Do I even have the right to be jealous?
    Do I have the right to say anything about how I'm feeling?
    Should I put my foot down and say NO, this isn't happening anymore? 
    What happens if I do that? If I force a choice? What is he going to do? What is she going to do? Most of biggest concern, in any of this, and if I'm being completely honest, the ONE thing that is making me continue to *suck it up*, and that made me stay in this when I started feeling jealous over what happened on my birthday...
    If it were just her and I...would I be enough? Would she resent me? Would she feel trapped and stifled and restricted, or would she thrive knowing she is loved and cherished as much as possible by one person? Seeing as how much she enjoys attention and flirtation and the like when we go out..I don't want to push her into anything she would regret later. I've told Sass time and time again - make your decsions for YOU. Stop and tae the time each little babystep of the way to do a complete 360 and make **** sure you want to be where you are and where you are going before you take another step. Don't rush. Don't make rash decisions. Take your time and KNOW what you want. 
    I suppose that's what I'm doing. Well, no - I know what I want. I just don't know if I should or even could have it. 
    Conflicted much, Kush? 

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