Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The End of an Era - or...the next chapter...working title...

I've been meaning to write this for awhile, just...wasn't quite sure how to go about it. I guess straight to the point. 

There comes a time in every relationship - a turning point, if you will. Some people call it "the wall". Its that point in time when things either have to go to the next level, or they need to end. Stagnant no longer works - emotions are simply running too high to remain in stasis. Its that time when you're forced to consider things from all angles, to decide if the relationship is working for each party. To determine if its still a positive thing, an additive experience instead of negative. 

Recently, I was tasked with determining if my relationship with Sass was something sustainable. Through a lot of soul searching, and despite trying every which way I could think to make it work, I had to decide that it wasn't. We decided that it wasn't. Her needs aren't something I can provide for. The *next step* for me is very very different than her *next step*, and given my own personal situation...her *next step* isn't something I can ever give her. As much as I tried to make her happy - and trust me, I did try - I tried my ass off, lol...it wasn't working. We would have a good day and then four bad ones when she suddenly remembered that we can't ever be what she wanted us to be. She was miserable, and I was constantly guilty about what I couldn't give her, and trying to overcompensate and driving myself - and her, as it turns out - insane in the process. So, we ended it. 

We went our separate ways in SL. We're trying to still be civil and semi-friendly about things so far, but there have been some touch and go moments. Her canceling the grand opening of her store that we spent a fucking MONTH preparing for, because she was upset or wtfe, was a BIG touch and go moment that forced me to leave her groups altogether (sorry bloggerz - she can handle it on her own though). 

At present, we are barely speaking. She is moving on, seeing other people, bar dancing at Lar's, and trying not to listen to sad music. Her profile posts seem a bit...bitter...and frankly, maybe its better she be pissed off at me. She will move on faster if she's angry. She deserves to be happy. 

As for me, well, things are going pretty well, oddly enough. I'm having fun in SL again - its become a relaxing happy place again. I'm working on my favorite hobbies, and spending time with good friends. Reconnecting with one of my oldest and closest friends on SL - my guest blogger, Angela, has been a godsend. She keeps things upbeat and fun, and won't let me wallow in guilt or grief or anything of the sort. Its laughter and good times ONLY with my kittycoo. We've spent time goofing off around SL, laughing, reminiscing, shopping, having fun, enjoying each others' company, and making new memories to add to the burgeoning scrapbook of our parallel - and sometimes intersecting SL lives. She keeps me sane, and smiling, and hopefully I do the same for her. I don't know what the future will bring, but..for the first time since my life got turned upside down a couple months ago...I have hope. I see a brightly shining light at the end of the tunnel...hmmm..come to think of it, that might be tapetum lucidum I'm seeing...

So...more to come as I continue to blog about my adventures and experiences. Stay tuned!!