Sunday, March 29, 2015

Faking It

Posted by Kushiel Gant 4 hours ago - Filed in Second Life - 1 view 

We all interact with one another in a virtual world, and sometimes its easy to forget that we are REAL people in that world. Some people find it easier to exist behind a fabricated facade.I suppose we all do to an extent - myself included. In SL I have 6 pack abs, perfectly sculpted guns, and great hair. In RL I'm overweight, with flabby arms and a shaved head because damnit, if I was gonna go bald, I'm going ALL THE WAY. I think of Kush as a perfected version of the RL me. I suspect most of us feel the same with our avis - they are either perfected versions of ourselves, or what we WISH we were physically - reflections of who we are inside.

That being said - I'm big on realism. I'm big on intimacy. I'm big on honesty within a relationship. When I interact with someone, when I get to know them, I want tog et to know the REAL them - who they are on the inside. While it interests me to know what someone gets up to in SL and what fills their time - because it informs who they are and how they think - its the real person behind the avatar that I want to get to know. If I am being intimate - in any way - with someone, I want it to be as real as possible. RP doesn't interest me in the least - in fact, its a huge turn off, and very little will make me lose interest faster than feeling as though someone is faking their reactions or playing a part rather than telling me or letting me see their honest feelings and reactions. In a world where all we have are reactions, where we can't touch, where we can't see, where we can't smell or taste or truly physically feel - we have words..sometimes we have sounds...and that's all. With our senses - the things we use to interact with and interpret the world around us - so limited by the virtual world we all choose to exist in - honest reactions are even MORE important.

In RL - many people choose to be dishonest in their reactions. Let's take the concept of *faking it*, as an example. And yes - I mean it *that* way. People's reasons for *faking it* are widespread, and often valid - at least in their own way of thinking. I was curious, actually, so I did a little research on the *why* - this is what I found, citations included, and I've included a little commentary on most, and explantion on some that had me scratching my head:

1. Women want to please their partner.

- Ok - this is a good thing - but for most guys - most DECENT guys - a big part of their pleasure is knowing they are pleasing their partner - knowing they are making her feel good. If she is faking, she is not only cheating herself out of what could otherwise be a much more enjoyable experience (because if she's being honest in her reactions, he will do more, work harder, be more creative, etc - to please her, and be BETTER at it because he truly gets to know what it is that trips her trigger, so to speak!) - she is also cheating HIM out of the satisfaction of knowing he truly pleased his partner. Faking schmaking - eventually - assuming he pays attention - he's going to know, or its going to come out, or your bff is going to tell him you said he's a tool in bed, because **** girl - get with the program and own your pleasure already! - and then? Ego devastation. That can be pretty freaking hard to recover from...

2. Everyone loves a challenge.

The challenge comes in seeing how excited you can get your guy, and how long you can prolong his orgasm. The fact that a woman can get her guy off with a fake orgasm, whenever she feels like it, can be very satisfying.

Personally - this is where the whole idea of realism comes in. Yeah, the moans and screams are great - when they're real - but just as I'd rather watch amateur porn for the realism than studio **** - I'd rather have a real reaction than fake. If I know someone is faking, or has faked, or has a history of it - I doubt myself. I doubt my ability to please her. i doubt her reactions - which - especially in the virtual world - is ALL we have to go on. So faking in the virtual world, when you've agreed to always be honest and REAL with intimacy - not only damages the guy's ego - it damages your relationship. If he can't trust your reactions during sex, how can he trust them during anything else? How can he trust that he makes you happy at all? How can he trust that you only want him, when he's not even been given the chance to please you sexually? Not that he can't - but you haven't given him the chance.

3. One is not in the mood.

Then don't do it. Its OK to say NO.

4. Pain is not always good.

See above.

5. Things get too comfortable.

LAZINESS! This is where communication comes in. TALK ABOUT IT! If something isn't working for you, or isn't enough anymore, or your partner is slacking in the oral favors department - TALK TO THEM!

7. Lack of technique!

see above

8. Not enough time.

Men - for the sake of all that is good and holy - TAKE THE TIME to please your partner - if you don't have the time, don't start.

9. Men and women are different.

Although sex encounters for men are typically ‘great’, most women will reach orgasm more easily with someone they feel a connection with. If a certain level of trust has been established, a woman will feel relaxed in the arms of her partner, resulting in enjoyable and satisfying sex.

Excellent point - capitalize on that by putting in the effort to build that connection and develop it.

10. Not like that - it is not going to happen!

This refers to not being able to orgasm through intercourse - and again hearkens back to take the time to TALK to your partner, to learn from them, about them, to learn what turns them on and what works for them. If they aren't honest with you about that, however...then you have bigger issues to resolve.

Women aren't the only ones who fake orgasms, either. Here are some of the reasons men do:

To make haste with a delayed orgasm.

This can be an issue for women as well - if you feel like you are *taking awhile*, it causes anxiety, which makes the act of *getting there* even more difficult. This is a physical reason, and understandable. Still, though - TALK about it. The anxiety and nerves are never going to go away if you don't feel comfortable enough to TALK to your partner about it. Trusting them enough to beleive they would not look down on you, but want to HELP in any way they can - that's very important. Faking is an indication that you don't trust your partner, that you don't feel comfortable with them, and that you don't believe that they WOULD care enough to try to make it better for you.

To conceal premature ejaculation.

To preserve his pride.

To please his partner.

To abide by the "rules."

To get things over with.

see above, already discussed all of these in previous commentary, LOL.

To reiterate - in a virtual world, reactions and words are all we have. If we can't be honest with them - what are we doing? Faking your reactions hurts yourself, hurts your partner, hurts your relationship. If you value honesty and realism, and want more than just a RP - if its important to you that your partner enjoys your intimate moments as much as you do - DON'T FAKE. If there is an issue - TALK ABOUT IT. If you trust your partner and are comfortable enough with them - give them a chance to try to help.You just might be quite pleasantly surprised...

So - is it ok to fake? Have you faked it? Have you faked it ina serious commited relationship, and not just a casual encounter? Have you been the recipient of this and been hurt by it? Would you if you were? I'm curious to see comments....

Closing with a few thoughts that hit my brain as the day wore on, and I was able to locate in image form:

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