Sunday, March 29, 2015

Finding Balance

  • One of the most important lessons anyone who spends time in Secondlife has to learn - is balance. It can be a very intense experience, and very addictive, given the right situations. Something about Secondlife, about interacting in the virtual world, tends to make things happen a lot faster and a lot more intensely than they would in the real world. Maybe its that in SL we don't have the insecurities and foibles and physical restrictions and cautions that we do in SL. We're all perfect versions of ourselves in SL, we all have vehicles and money and nice clothes and someplace romantic or sexy or whatever that we can take that someone special to *woo* them. Its easier there. Its also easy to tell ourselves, as justification, that "this isn't real...its a game...I'm playing a role" when we have that wise voice in the back of our heads shouting at us to "SLOW THE F&%K DOWN!" Because of all these things, our hearts get caught up in an SL relationship long before our heads catch up with us. This isn't always - or even usually - a bad thing. We just need to learn to listen to that voice. 

    I'm guilty of not listening to it enough lately. Meeting Sarah...our connection is incredible. Its addictive...she's addictive. We've both neglected RL too much since we met one another, and we realize that, and we're working on it actively. Our emotions transcend the virtual world, and the desire for more is most definitely felt - powerfully. However, we were both reminded the other night by a most unexpected but welcome voice of reason, that we need to slow it down, be realisstic, find balance, and give our heads time to catch up to our hearts. 
    Whether its apparent or acceptable to some (like I care? If you have an issue with our lifestyle, stop reading) - Sarah and I are poly, and we are in a poly family - a triad - with one of my oldest friends in SL, Logan. Sarah has two men who love her dearly, and want what is best for her, and who care about one another a great deal as well. Its really a pretty wonderful situaton. There are some minor issues here and there, but we all work them through as we come to them. I'm not launching into a huge diatribe on our lifestyle here, except to say that one of the major values of it came into play the other night. 

    The night started out with Sarah wanting to go dancing at Lar's. As per usual, she was dancing for me, showing off her moves, something she is so very very good at! We were there for awhile when Logan showed up, and came to the club. even more fun watching Sarah dance for both of us..
    So anyways...for those of you who aren't familiar with Lar's - its a friendly neighborhood club with great music and fairly open, kinky patrons. Its a relaxed, fun place to let your hair down. And they have bar dancers - lots of bar dancers. Bar dancers who unwittingly and unintentionally contributed to some...insecurity moments the other night. I'll forego the details here, but suffice it to say, the night became rather tense, and there were a lot of communication and growth moments throughout the evening between Sarah and I. The fact that we breezed through "our first fight" with minimal scratches, and are still very much in love and happy, isn't surprising. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that Logan provided the balance either. I'm very grateful that he did, however. 

    Our little incident was a speedbump, which Logan was quick to point out. It was an artifact of not taking enough time to allow trust to grow and develop before trying to test it, however minimally. He introduced the concept of patience and the need to find balance between SL and RL. Logan, my brother, the man who has ever been the biggest horndog I know, the voice of reason and the emotional neutral...the insightful center stability of our family who saw through both of our BS and got to the real say I was impressed iis an say I am grateful...doesn't begin to express it. 

    After a lot of talking and loving moments, we were able to work through everything and arrive at the conclusion that yes, we do need to work harder at finding a balance. Yes, we do need to press pause on the *sense of urgency* and just enjoy our time together for awhile, giving our heads time to catch up to our hearts. These are very good developments, and take a lot of the pressure off. Its a valuable lesson, for anyone to learn. Its important to remember the intensity of SL and how very real it gets. Emotions have a tendency to transcend worlds, and override any barriers you might put up. In secondlife - its not unheard of, or even uncommon, to fall head over heels in love with someone within a month (or less) - someone who you might never have heard their voice, you might not have a RL picture of them, you might not know their last name (probably don't, in fact), if you even know their first. None of that detracts from the absolute reality of the emotions though. That is something that you just cannot explain or express to someone who hasn't been through it.

    So, the important part is, we talked it out, we got through the speedbump, and we are stronger than we were before. It was an important lesson, taught by someone very important to both of us, someone we are both proud to call a beloved part of our family.
    And now..a couple happy pictures of myself and the woman I am "unconditionally and irrevocably in love with" :) 

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