Something happens when people get comfortable and get into a peaceful routine in a relationship - something comes along to shake it all to hell. The photoshoot accompanying this blog is about that routine. The little day to day intimacies that we often forget to count among our blessings. Having coffee together in the morning, getting ready for your day, sitting next to each other on the couch typing away on your laptops - whether you are on SL or working or just surfing. Having someone next to you in bed to throw your arm over. Its about the intimacy, the closeness, that accompanies that kind of routine and comfortable cohabitation. Problem is - its not mine - not in RL, anyways.
Now there are downsides to that kind of comfortable routine. Someone has to wash the dirty socks and underwear. Someone has to scrub the toilet. Someone has to pay the bills. Someone has to deal with the grumpies and mood swings and headaches. The biggest downside, however, is that in the midst of the negative pieces, you forget how wonderful the positive ones are. When you're picking up your partners' dirty socks off the bathroom floor and grumbling about "WHY can't they put their dirty shit in the hamper - just ONCE!"...you're not thinking about the saturday afternoon when they came in the bathroom, stripped, and pushed you into the shower for a steamy encounter. When you're paying the bills and bitching about being short this month and the $2 sodas and coffees they insist on buying instead of taking stuff from home...you aren't thinking about the day they took off early from work because they were worried about you being sick and couldn't focus on anything BUT you. When you're griping about how inconsiderate and selfish they are being in this moment, you're not thinking about the way they brought you your favorite chocolate the other night because you were sad, or the way they do little considerate things out of the blue that surprise you with their sweetness. The negative tends to overshadow the positive, that's a sad reality. It takes effort to remind yourself of the positive things. Not everyone is willing to put in that much effort - they seem to enjoy welling in the negative for some ungodly reason. The negative focus is not always under their conscious control, but putting in the effort it takes to remember the positive is...food for thought.
So that was the impetus for the routine shoot. Doing it, however, reminded me about the boxes in my attic. You know the ones - we all have them. Those fears, uncomfortable emotions, insecurities, etc etc...that we pack away in boxes and shove into the dark and dusty corners of the attic in our minds. The ones we do our damnedest to ignore and forget about. Never works for long though, does it?
I met a new friend a few weeks ago who - whether purposefully or accidentally - rattled the fuck out of some of my boxes awhile back. It happened after a period of dealing with a massive onslaught of scary terrifying negativity from the most important person in my SL - and RL for that matter. On the cusp of a week or two of having to bury my emotions and counsel her through a very tough time, putting my personal feelings aside, that rattle hit me hard, and everything came pouring out, and about knocked me on my ass. It triggered a need to sit down with a now thankfully calm and centered Ang and go through the boxes, unpacking them, showing her what's inside, and carefully putting them away again. They aren't empty, but they are manageable. That exercise in self-inquisition left me a little weakened, however. My defenses were raw.
The next cycle of negativity hit before my defenses were healed. It started to feel like an assault, and I was becoming aggressively defensive about it, instead of removed. I realized that the more I try to help and the deeper I allow myself to dig into the source of the negativity and repair the damage that is frankly beyond my ability to fix...the more damage I am causing. By trying to help, I was making it worse. So I had to put boundaries in place. My boxes made me create boundaries. Boundaries that say when the train goes off the tracks of reason, its time to take a few steps back and take some time to get it back on track before we interact again. Today was the first time I had to really enforce that. It hurt. It was hard as hell to push away someone who is clinging to you for sanity and help and digging their claws in out of desperation and who will take the push - however gentle - as a flat out abandonment and rejection in her current off track state. But for the sake of my sanity, her sanity, and the health of our relationship - I had to. Time will tell how this strategy will work out. I have my doubts, but its the only way.
Which brings me to the rest of the boxes. Those ones that I didn't even notice were filled with stuff until I dug through the known commodities with Ang. Those are the boxes created by my own personal demons. The ones that like to act out. The ones that like to self destruct. The ones that like to escape and avoid. The ones that like to take a shredded shirt and - rather than mend it - not just tear it off and throw it away, but burn the fucker and watch the ashes fall.
Confronting those demons was...difficult, to say the least. Examining my own motivations. Looking into my own behaviors from a purpose-driven framework. I had to figure out whether the thoughts and feelings the demons were feasting on were real, or created in response to the drama. Even whether or not I sought out situations that could create a conflagration specifically for the purpose of self-destructing. It took some serious hours of introspection and a couple of uncomfortable, even painful, conversations to get to the bottom of it. What I found out boiled down to a few simple truths. 1) - I'm not a horrible person, though I do have a soft heart.
2) - I need to establish boundaries against negativity and drama, because I get sucked in way too easily.
3) - Everyone loves in their own way, and that's ok.
4) - I'll never have that routine intimacy in RL, not as things stand. I need to decide how important it is to me.
5) - SL should be fun and drama-light. Emotions = drama, and everyone has them, but..light is good. Uncomplicated is good. Fun is easily had if you can put the other stuff on the back burner for awhile. If you can't - don't log on.
6) - a situation might not be everything you want it to be, but that doesn't mean its not worth enjoying to the fullest.
So...boxes and boundaries. Messes and fixes. Drama and fun. Love and hate. Happiness and despair. Good and evil. They are polar opposites, but also partners. They don't have anything in common on the surface, but dig a little deeper, and you find out they are inextricably linked. One defines the other. The existence of each is dependent on the other. Without one, the other doesn't exist. Its not definable. Its meaningless. Together - they comprise the very fabric of life and love.
Pics following - the first is the attic, routines after Deets after the first, and then after all at the end.
KUSH:
BODY:
#TMP Deluxe Body, hands
7 Deadly s{K}ins - Judas B5c t2
(LOBA) Real Eyes Infinity Mesh (brown)
+H+ Half-Deer - Fly Away Neck Tattoo
HAIR:
**JOMO** etched hair 08
:EMO-tions:. *LESTAT* dark brown
[TS] Khal beard - brown
CLOTHING:
Howl - Jacob Check Hood Shirts - grey
-7mR- Greaser Black Jeans
MadPea UNIA Sneakers
ACCESSORIES:
Unorthodox Eyebrow Piercing Double Left
::Hebenon Vial: MALE MOD: Against the Stream [Decay]
:: envi :: Ailin Ear Piercing
Celtic Myst Silver Cross Men's earring
Celtic Myst - Tree of Life -Relic Ring
[Tethered] Ring - Eternity Diamond
ANG:
BODY:
Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara v3.4
Glam Affair - Amberly - Jamaica 01 BL
{LOBA} - Real Eyes Infinity - Blue
Lashes: *BC Designs* - Free Mesh Eyelashes
Nails: -{ZOZ}- - Summer Echo Glitter (for Maitreya) - White
HAIR:
/Wasabi Pills/ - Abby - Vanilla with Red bands
CLOTHING:
*Coco* - Denim Overall + White Tee (Dark Blue)
->Venus<>Shoes<- - Sandy Sneakers for Maitreya - Red Body and Tongue
ACCESSORIES:
Nose Piercing: JCNY - Saryh - Hyper-Gems - Diamond Nose Piercing
Lip Piercing: PUNCH - Level I
Earrings: ~Raven Parnas~ - Sterling Silver Large Hoop Earrings
Collar: [Tethered] - My Heart Is Caged - Eternity Diamond Collar
ATTIC SET:
POSE; Focus Poses - XMAS gift
WL: Annan Adored Cozy Interior / Xanthe's Toasty
BUILD:
Schultz Bros. The Old Attic Skybox v1.1
HPMD* Sunlight(2014) - a
HPMD* Bright Particle 1&2
(Left to Right):
[DBy Mesh] (4Boxes, 2Prims)
TBF Cardboard Box
Mad Mesh Mesh Cardboard Box
Cheeky Pea Box
Cheeky Pea Bremen Screen
Apple Fall Dress Form w/ Dress
Remarkable Oblivion Dress Form
T-Spot & [WaM] RFL Hope Planter
NOMAD // Chandelier // .04 Industrial Gacha
HIDEKI - Dress Form
{vespertine- adelines mysterious closet - violet hill}
[ zerkalo ] Eugenie's Armchair
{Reverie} Aged Table and Steetlight Lantern
{Reverie} Honey Pie Aged Coffee Table
{Reverie} Honey Pie Aged Books and Candles
Pink Orchid Flower Pot
Scarlet Creative Single Amelie Sofa Mod Tran
Apple Fall & An Lar Toile Chair (Blue)
[ zerkalo ] Love Nest-Vintage-Love Sign
=Zenith=Vintage Fancy Little End Table (tiffany)
Apple Fall Roses Box (Pink)
{Reverie} Honey Pie Windows and Wood Planks
KUSH - all photos
BODY:
#TMP Deluxe Body, hands
7 Deadly s{K}ins - Judas B5c t2
(LOBA) Real Eyes Infinity Mesh (brown)
+H+ Half-Deer - Fly Away Neck Tattoo
HAIR:
Exile - Give Away Your Secrets - dark brown #3
[TS] Khal beard - brown
CLOTHING:
BLUR Mens *LE* Bacon & Eggs Lounge set
(first morn): Dufaux TMP Tie up brief - military
ACCESSORIES:
Unorthodox Eyebrow Piercing Double Left
::Hebenon Vial: MALE MOD: Against the Stream [Decay]
:: envi :: Ailin Ear Piercing
Celtic Myst Silver Cross Men's earring
Celtic Myst - Tree of Life -Relic Ring
[Tethered] Ring - Eternity Diamond
ANG:
BODY (for all photos):
Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara v3.4
Glam Affair - Amberly - Jamaica 01 BL
{LOBA} - Real Eyes Infinity - Blue
Lashes: *BC Designs* - Free Mesh Eyelashes
Nails: -{ZOZ}- - Summer 2015 Echo Glitter (for Maitreya) - Light Pink
Hickey: aberrant - Hickey
HAIR:
Marika - Hush (@Work)
Blueberry - Hila (Ever Heard, First Light, Greeting)
Truth Hair - Rocky (I want, Mmm, Morning Routine, Klutz)
Analog Dog - Olivia (Sunset Snuggle)
CLOTHING:
(Greeting, @Work)
Tank and Sports Bra: Vinyl - Jessie PAK 2 - Pink with White Bra
Shorts: Just Because - Cora Shorts - White
(I want, Mmm, Morning Routine, Klutz)
Sports Bra: Addams - Top Gym 2.0 - Baby blue
Shorts: Addams - Shorts Gym 2.0 - Gray
(First Morning)
Panties: aberrant - Magical Panties
ACCESSORIES (all photos):
Nose Piercing: JCNY - Saryh - Hyper-Gems - Diamond Nose Piercing
Lip Piercing: PUNCH - Level I
Earrings: ~Raven Parnas~ - Sterling Silver Large Hoop Earrings
Collar: [Tethered] - My Heart Is Caged - Eternity Diamond Collar
SET STYLE CARDS:
At work or at play
POSE: *CS* To Paris
BUILD: Greymoon Designs - The Sunset Cove (modified)
Left to right:
Tentacio - my life with a cat - play?
Tentacio - my life with a cat - I'm busy
Cheeky Pea homemade picture frames light
Nerenzo Pillow pile
[we're closed] log candles light
Cheeky Pea Voronoi Table
CP Rue Abel Loveseat
CP Bremen Screen
CP Spike Rug
CP Tea
Ever heard of knocking
POSE: *CS* Love & Other Drugs
BUILD: Greymoon Designs - The Sunset Cove (modified)
Left to right:
[ zerkalo ] Tenderness Bedroom Set
Broker Art House Your Beautiful1 wall decal
Tentacio - my life with a cat - I haven't gone to the bathroom
Dutchie vintage washstand
First morning light
POSE: *CS* Nice Dreams
BUILD:Greymoon Designs - The Sunset Cove (modified)
Left to right:
[ zerkalo ] Tenderness Bedroom Set
Tentacio - my life with a cat - I haven't gone to the bathroom
Greeting the morning together
POSE: *CS* Between cats
BUILD: Greymoon Designs - The Sunset Cove (modified)
Left to right:
:CP: Roux Coffee Station - Winter
:CP: Roux Coffee Shelf - Winter
X-CLUSIVES ANIMATIONS GET YOUR FREAK ON FRIDGE - WHITE - ELITE
PBM Mesh Wall Decor [Coffeeology]
:CP: Yukon Kitchen (Adult)
!! Follow US !! Dream board
Tentacio - my life with a cat - help me!
Trompe Loeil - Antique Pot Rack
[Brixley] Rustic Frame
I want in the picture too
POSE: *CS* Good Morning*
BUILD: Greymoon Designs - The Sunset Cove (modified)
Left to right:
Xplicit Vanity Table (c)
floorplan. sparkle wall frame
floorplan. always print
Tiar BAROQUE CHAIR No.2 - Silver Black
[ zerkalo ] Tenderness Bedroom Set
Mmm..morning my love
POSE: *CS* In The Mirror
BUILD:Greymoon Designs - The Sunset Cove (modified)
Left to right:
Dutchie vintage washstand
Xplicit Vanity Table (c)
floorplan. sparkle wall frame
[ zerkalo ] Tenderness Bedroom Set
Tentacio - my life with a cat - I haven't gone to the bathroom
HSF "Clean Body, Dirty Mind" Towel Rack
Prim Economy copper bathtub
morning routine interrupted
POSE: *CS* Routine
BUILD: Greymoon Designs - The Sunset Cove (modified)
Left to right:
Dutchie vintage washstands
Tentacio - my life with a cat - I haven't gone to the bathroom
sunset snuggle
POSE: Quixotica Ku'uipo
BUILD:Greymoon Designs - The Sunset Cove (modified)
you're a klutz
POSE: *CS* A Little Hurt
BUILD:Greymoon Designs - The Sunset Cove (modified)
Left to right:
[ zerkalo ] Tenderness Bedroom Set
Broker Art House Your Beautiful1 wall decal
Dutchie vintage washstands
:CP: Repurposed Collage Wall
[Fetch] Lazy Pillow
:: YaYo :: - Wall Writings - Always Kiss Me
