Dear Ladies of SecondLife,
This is not the blog I intended to post today. I have a beautiful 5-page post of how magnificent things have been going with K, but I’m going to post that to him privately. Instead, I feel the need to address my gender in SecondLife. This post is not directed at any one woman specifically, though a couple come to mind, but instead I choose to address us as a whole, because I am so sick and tired of all of the drama you bring onto yourselves, onto me, and the people I love.
I can no longer abide being your supportive sister. I can no longer listen while you sob on my shoulder about the world’s injustices, but do nothing to fix it. I will no longer sit back and let you be in an abusive relationship with yourself. Instead, I am here to provide you with the truth, the whole truth and nothing but. I am doing it because I love women; we are magnificent, beautiful creatures. You deserve better; we deserve better; men deserve better.
We were born with the capacity to endure insane amounts of pain to bring life into this world. We have kisses that can soothe and heal; our protective instincts tell us to sacrifice ourselves for those we love. So why are we, as women, pegging ourselves constantly as the victim? Why can we summon the inner strength that can move cars to save our children, but cannot be bothered to lift a finger to move ourselves out of harmful situations. From my experience both with my sisters, SL-isters, and with myself, here is about 25 cents worth of free advice:
- Grow the fuck up. Seriously. Grow. The Fuck. Up. We are not in grade school. We have jobs, kids, bills, responsibilities, etc. Let’s act like it. Let’s act like we understand how the world works, whether you believe in karma, “doing the Christian thing”, or the golden rule. Tit for tat resolves NOTHING. It just makes you more miserable because you’re either going to be on the receiving end of an even BIGGER tit for tat strike or because the person you struck is completely unphased.
- Take ownership of your life. Accept responsibility for your contribution and exacerbation of the situation that makes you unhappy. And no, sisters, I am not promoting the mentality of “it’s okay he screams at me, I made him angry.” What I am saying is that it’s your responsibility to make your own changes to better your circumstances. Don’t like how things are going? Address it or move on. Those are your options. Staying while bitching publicly or to your fellow gal pals about it is NEVER a solution.
- Love yourself. Yes you, the one mentally beating yourself up because you think your past history has proved you unlovable, unattractive and unworthy. Love yourself. There is someone who loves you for exactly who you are, and if you can’t love yourself for the same purpose, you might as well tell those who love you that they are foolish. As someone who has been on the giving and receiving end, both are a miserable place to be. On the other hand…
- Stop being an attention whore. So what you have nice things? So what you have a cute body/avi? So what you’re quick with a sly, nasty dig at the expense of others? Confidence is Sexy; Arrogance is disgusting. Selflessness is Sexy; Selfishness is disgusting. Kindness is sexy; Cuntiness is disgusting (yes girls, I said the c-word). It doesn’t take people long to realize that while you’re gorgeous on the outside, on the inside you’re a disgusting troll. Not even the cute ones with the jewel tummies either.
- Stop the jealousy. So your gal pal has nice things? Or a nice body/avi? Or a sharp wit? Well I guarantee she has a whole slew of things about herself she isn’t pleased with about herself. You will never be her; you will never have what she has. Be grateful. You will never have her problems either; you will never have her weaknesses. Speaking of….
- Stop the obsession. Let’s forgive ourselves for our flaws and weaknesses. Let’s forgive each other for the jealousy and cattyness. Let’s forgive those who have hurt us. Carrying around all that baggage and bullshit makes us heavier than any sweet treat could. I realize all too well that it’s hard to let go of the pain, but LET IT GO! You’re only hurting yourself. The person who you’re obsessing over is not the slightest bit hurt by your masochistic dwelling. You’re feeding the problem, not starving it away.
- Stop yo-yoing people. Do you honestly think flirting with another man will make your man come closer to you? Do you think alienating your sisters will endear them to you? Do you think that dropping off the planet will make people MORE apt to notice your absence? Short answer - no. Trust begets trust. Honesty begets honesty. Communication begets communication. Love begets love.
- Take a risk. Run - don’t walk, scamper or crawl - towards what makes you happy. Sure as FUCK don’t stare at it and think that telepathy or telekinesis is going to bring your happy to you. If it’s worth it, it will be hard, constant work, but if it were easy, it wouldn’t be as valuable. Seriously ladies, go out and grab that happy with both hands. It will necessitate you being vulnerable and possibly getting hurt, but it’s WORTH IT! And besides, what hurts worse, trying and failing or the pang of never even giving it a shot?
- Start a good or stop a bad trend. Our lives are our legacies. We show people what to expect of us from our past and present behavior. We also set the bar for what behavior we will expect in return. Want to forever be a cumdumpster? Then go ahead and let that one night stand take advantage of you because he showed you the least bit of attention. Want to forever be labeled a liar? Then go ahead and tell one more white lie to cover your tracks. Only you can give yourself a do-over.
- Be authentic. To repeat my favorite phrase, “Let’s be real.” You, whoever you are, have a beautiful soul, whether that’s on your sleeve or buried deep, deep, DEEEEEEP within you under layers of barbed wire, toxic gas, and bubble wrap. It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone you have one if you won’t tell anyone I have one. Can we cut the bullshit already? The pretension, the airs, the catty nastiness? Can we please just live and let live?
I am disabling comments because I care not to receive any repercussive remarks. Just take to heart what I say. I hope it helps catalyze positive changes.
With Perfect Sisterly (Tough) Love,